Behind the mask: putting a brave face on during infertility
Due to busy schedule and lifestyle, fertility and fertility problems may occur in anyone. It can be grouped as Infertility Male and Infertility Female as per gender. It’s a real life story and it contains all about infertility causes, infertility symptoms, and infertility treatment.
I should really ban myself from Instagram. I do love it for the inspirational pictures and escapism that it gives me at 2 am when I’m trying to rock Noah to sleep but it doesn’t do much for your confidence when you see new mums looking immaculate in matching outfits, full contoured makeup and blow-dried hair – how is this even possible I cry from underneath my unwashed, sick soaked dressing gown….
Fertility & Infertility
Well, the point is, we don’t know! We don’t know what went on before that photo was taken; was the baby in hysterics, did the mum have a team of people helping her stage her angelic pose or is she just superwoman?!
The image we put out to the world is how we want people to see us – some of us want to wear our hearts on our sleeves and show everyone how we’re really feeling whereas others are much more comfortable keeping the reality of their life under wraps while they portray another face to the world entirely.
With those of us who have struggled or who are struggling with infertility, there becomes a point in the journey where you have to decide how much you want the world to know about what you’re going through. We start to develop coping mechanisms to get through the tough days and before long we can find ourselves outwardly portraying a different version of ourselves to how we’re feeling inside.
Is this masking or “putting on a brave face” a necessary tool to getting through difficult times or does it make us dishonest to our true selves?
It’s an interesting question that I’ve been pondering a lot lately mainly because I’m not very good at pretending things are going fine when they’re not and I’d actually like to wear a bit more armor so that I’m not offloading to all and sundry and that I can protect myself a bit more. At the same time, I don’t want to come across as inauthentic, as honesty is an important value to me….tricky.
I guess the reason we, as humans, turn to mask our emotions is to protect ourselves or others from the rawness we’re feeling inside. Either we’re trying to process difficult feelings quietly behind the scenes, or we’re trying to block them out completely or trying to avoid other emotions ie. guilt/shame seeping through.
People want to know you’re doing well and coping and when you say you’re not they want to fix it.
I remember that after the first year of trying to conceive I felt such guilt for not being able to provide grandchildren to my parents – as the eldest daughter it really felt like my responsibility which obviously didn’t help. I used to try and stay upbeat and not make a big deal out of it and not really tell them how I was feeling so that they wouldn’t get upset about it. I’m sure this happens a lot – trying to save other people’s feelings by putting on a front especially those close to us. But where does that leave us?
I think we have to be careful that we also make some space for our own honest outlets in either a partner, close friend or even a journal or blog so that we get a chance to be who we really are and feel what we really feel in a safe environment without judgment or having to think about how it’s affecting someone else. If we don’t have this then we risk bottling everything up which is never healthy.
But can oversharing and being true to our feelings 100% of the time be too much sometimes?
During IVF, what I found was that I went from not wanting to talk to anyone about what we were going through to mentioning IVF within the first 2 minutes of meeting someone new! It was no longer the elephant in the room but actually, a great big elephant that I wanted everyone to hear about– for some people it’s quite alarming to hear something quite personal about someone’s life very quickly like that but for others, it makes them more interested in finding out more. I guess you need to choose your connections carefully!
So, I probably will put that photo on my insta account of me with my make up done holding my lovely smiley baby because it’s a beautiful moment and one I’m proud of, not because I think that every day will be like that!
Do you wear a different version of you to different people? How often do you get to be true to your own feelings? How do you go about it? Wherever you are on your fertility journey, I’d love to hear from you!
It’s my own life story. I was a victim of Infertility. I contact to Best Fertility Clinic in Dubai and all issues resolved.