Cheers, dear readers,
This past July, I had the honor of attending my third World Domination Summit (WDS) conference in Portland, Oregon. I’ve mentioned here before the main tenant of this conference is “How to live a remarkable life in a conventional world.” I know firsthand that there are many days on the infertility journey where we do not feel that we are living a remarkable life AT ALL. We may feel that we are living a challenged life fraught with difficulty and misfortune. Why are we having to deal with infertility while all around us, our friends, our families, celebrities in the media – they are all having healthy, happy babies seemingly quite easily. Remarkable life? Hardly! How about unmanageable life! Or exasperating life. That feels more like it.
Yet if we circle the drain of this type of downer, self-defeating thinking, our journey only feels even more stressful, exhausting and “woe is me.”
When I was at the WDS event, one of the speakers I was honored to see speak was a Mr. Darrel Vesterfelt (Twitter @dvert). I loved his overall message as well as his upbeat nature. The quote that he opened with was super powerful and has really stuck with me. I hope it resonates with you too.
“When you change your mind about the world,
you can change your world.”
Darrell went on to discuss more about how we can get the most out of our lives, connect better with each other, and achieve more positive outcomes. All of this helps us make a greater impact in our families, in our communities, and ultimately the world. Wow! I want me some of THAT! He went on to say that it’s important to put our egos aside while we are attempting to leave our mark on the world (whether that mark is by creating children and enlarging our family tree, or our professional pursuits). Darrell pointed out that “people generally remember how they feel when they are with you, not how much you impressed them.”
So with all this in mind, here are some pointers that Darrell gave us from his experience in terms of making the most of this thing called life, setting intentions in our lives, and making an impact.
1) Refrain from saying “I don’t want….” as this doesn’t get us where we need to go. It puts focus on what we don’t want. By putting the focus on what we DON’T want, it ironically makes that a focus in our minds. Also try to refrain from repeatedly saying “I hate….” for the same reasons. It puts the focus exactly where you DON’T want it.
2) Notice how you feel when you focus on what you DON’T want. For example, you might feel shame, anger, disappointment, sadness, frustration. These type of emotions and feelings are unpleasant and draining. Why invite that into your life if you don’t need to? You are in control of your thoughts and your words. Is fear one of the emotions that comes up for you thinking about what you don’t want? How do you act when you feel fear? Perhaps you go into the default:
Fight, Flight or Freeze — this type of “knee-jerk” reaction to fear puts you at war with yourself instead of in control of you, and your reaction to a situation.
Here’s a TIP: Trying making fear your friend – pull it closer to you. Consider asking yourself: What can this fear teach me?
3 ) Objectify Your Fear. Re-frame your stories about fear. Why? Because you can make your stories about fear more empowering to you, and understand yourself and your situation better.
— Ask: How do I feel when I fear that?
— Ask: How did I look / my life look at age 21?
— What would present day you tell 21 year old you?
— Get Clarity On Your Intentions
4) Focus on the Positive vs. the Negative to pull you in the direction you want. When we focus on the positive, we help put our focus, our thoughts, our intentions in the direction that we actually want to go. Think of it like a law of attraction. Our thoughts help attract what we are thinking about to us. How could this positively impact your infertility journey?
I hope something here resonated with you as you traverse your path with your spouse. Every day is a gift, even when we are experiencing hardship. How do you want to spend your days? Focusing on the positive? Making magic happen? Loving who you are with, empathetically? Loving yourself compassionately? How can you make each day just a little bit better along your journey?
Please join me next week to hear more about my personal journey down the infertility path. I look forward to speaking with you. I wish you the best on your journey.